Confidence is key
ADVICE FOR NEW MUMS THROUGH THE PREGNANCY AND BIRTH JOURNEY - by Lauren williams
Having your first baby is one of life’s biggest transitions, fraught with uncertainty and nervous excitement. It’s a time when many start to reflect on what kind of parent they want to be. Endorsed Midwife Lauren Williams, shares her advice for new mums looking for answers during this time.
The beginning of your pregnancy is filled with so much excitement, it may have been quite a journey, or happened quicker than expected. Pregnancy is also a time of heightened anxiety, as many new mums worry about creating the perfect environment for their baby to grow healthy and strong. You will find yourself reflecting on your own upbringing and deciding which of your caregivers’ traits you will adopt, and which areas you may feel you want to approach differently. Relationships change with those around you, because you yourself are also changing as you transition from being parented, to now becoming someone’s parent.
I say to them… “Have confidence in your body and your ability, enjoy the anticipation of what lies ahead. Surround yourself with positive people and choose reputable websites, and books or ask your care provider any questions/concerns you may have for this first stage.”
Often, I see women as they enter the second trimester, worried after the symptoms of early pregnancy have disappeared, and they no longer feel ‘pregnant’, desperately waiting for those first flutters of movement to know the baby is still there. This is followed by feelings of relief, hearing the baby’s heartbeat after it feels like such a long time since their last visit.
I say to them… “Have confidence; you are already a mum with a maternal instinct. You can see and feel your body changing and will soon gain the ability to feel your baby’s movements (for most from 18 weeks). This is very normal at this gestation and depending on where your placenta is located may not feel the baby until over halfway.”
Next comes the discussion around your birth preferences. For most women, their exposure so far has been through horrid movie scenes or birth stories of when things may not have gone to plan. You find yourself listening to podcasts or watching shows like ‘One born every minute’ to get a glimpse of what to expect. The anxiety sets in again as there seem to be so many different birth outcomes experienced by women.
I say to them…"Have confidence in your instincts, your hormones, and your ability to birth. What happened to one person cannot necessarily happen to you as you have a differently shaped pelvis, with a different size baby, in a different position, with different genetics and your own mindset. Yes, the birthing day is a pivotal moment in your life and one you will remember and discuss for years to come, but it is your journey. The majority of healthy mothers can give birth with minimal interventions, provided they have the appropriate amount of care, feel they can cope and their baby is safe. How your baby arrives in your arms may not be how you imagined or may be exactly the moment you dreamed it would be. Explore and plan for the different scenarios, so you will feel informed and able to determine which direction to take along your journey. Have the confidence to ask questions if variations occur and trust that your care providers have your and your baby’s best interests at heart.”
You may decide for your own personal reasons that a vaginal birth is not the right choice for you or based on your history is deemed the safest option. As long as you feel informed, on the pros and cons of this decision you should never feel ashamed or embarrassed of how you choose to meet your baby.
I say… “Be confident and let go of any emotional baggage you may attach to this decision. No two journeys are the same. Birth is only the beginning – you get to be a parent for the rest of your life.”
Your baby is hungry and you look down at your breasts contemplating how to make them work and if you are doing it right. You have determination and a desire to feed your baby, however your anxiety returns for another round as you worry about milk supply, pain and knowing if baby is getting enough.
I say… “Have confidence in your baby’s primitive instincts to find food- you are a team. Don’t go into breastfeeding with doubt, be realistic that for some women this skill may take 3-4 weeks to master. Seek support from your midwife, lactation consultant or child health nurse if you are finding breastfeeding challenging. Rather than setting a strict routine, follow your baby’s lead- you have birthed an individual, all babies have different temperaments and feed requirements…. Learn your baby’s feeding cues and be content that newborns feed for reasons other than hunger. Babies set how much milk you make, so best keep baby on the breast rather than start expressing in the early days (unless advised by a professional to do so).”
Now the anticipation ends and reality sets in… for some new parents, this transition is smooth and enormously satisfying. For many, anxieties creep back in, as the enormity of looking after a newborn requires a lot of patience, emotional commitment, and a lot of energy, all whilst tired and at times not knowing what to do.
I say to them… “Have confidence, nobody knows how to be parents until they become one. The first 3-4 weeks is like starting any new job. Everyone is nervous when learning a new set of skills. You will soon become the expert in your baby’s cues, remember baby’s do not manipulate, they do not have the mental capacity to know cause an effect for 4-5mths which means you cannot make bad habits. The newborn days are over in a blink, take this time to get to know each other, recover from the birth by eating well, using your support network and sleeping whenever possible… the housework can wait, and remember babies survive first-time parents!”
This post was written by Lauren Williams, a midwife at Vera Women’s Wellness.
Are you a first-time mother or maternal caregiver?
