Advice for birth support people
By Lauren Williams
Support people, don’t underestimate your importance during the birthing journey. This time in a woman’s life whether it is her first or third baby, is a whirlpool of emotion, reflection, anticipation, anxiety, belief and yearning. Assuming the role of a birth partner or support person is a big responsibility and should be viewed as a privileged position. It can be hugely rewarding for you to be ringside when the baby comes earth side, but also exhausting, particularly if labouring for many hours through the night, or even for days. Supporting a labouring woman involves both physical and mental stamina for you as well, so you will need to be prepared.
What to know as a birth support person
Know your role
A birth support partner isn’t always the other parent of the baby. Many women choose friends, other family members, student midwives and doulas to be additional members of the birth team. You should not attend a birth as a spectator but rather have a conversation with the expectant mum about the reason why she chose you and her expectations of your role.
Understand her birth preferences (Birth plan)
Consider attending antenatal education classes alongside the expectant mum or go along to some of her antenatal visits with her midwife or obstetrician so you too can learn about the labour and birth options and possible scenarios. Become familiar with her ideal plan for birth, be ready to act as her advocate, but also realise things don’t always go to plan, and the health professionals are also advocating for the same outcome “a happy mum and happy baby” so allow for flexibility.
Remember this is her journey
Every birth is different, it is important that if you yourself have had a baby you do not take away from the woman’s experience, comparing her to yours.
She has been dreaming of this day for nine months, she will have her own set of ideals, coping strategies and beliefs about birth which must be respected. Additionally, times change, and evidence-based practice informs how health professionals educate and support birthing women, so making comparisons about management in the moment takes the focus off this birth.
How can you offer support?
Before Birth
Education yourself, attend antenatal education classes, and/or clinic appointments.
Discuss her birth preferences, including if things deviate from the plan. Try asking questions like.. "if this happens... what will you choose?
Be attentive to her emotional state in preparation for birth. Many women become apprehensive as the day draws near due to our culture of childbirth fear driven by media and traumatic birth stories. Be the positive voice she needs to surround herself with.
Go through a checklist of things to prepare: Hospital bag; Labour bag (if aiming a vaginal birth); car seat, plan for who will be feeding pets, or coming to look after older children.
During labour & birth
Stay calm, and provide her with lots of positive encouragement.
If preparing for a caesarean, most often she will need to stay nil by mouth for a period of time. Ensure you eat something so as not to feel faint in the operating theatre.
If labouring, remember in the beginning stage, it’s very much a waiting game. You are there to offer encouragement and company before the marathon
Give her space to move freely, don't make her feel she is being observed by putting time pressures on her contractions. Early labour can be irregular and is a time to encourage rest/sleep. When active labour begins, the contractions will become regular and her body language will change to become primal behaviours (rocking, stamping, tapping hand, and heavy breathing). Her eyes will be closed most of the time during contractions or she may cover her face. Timing of contractions can now be helpful, but ultimately, she will know when it is time to transfer to the hospital by her own sense of safety.
Consider calling her care provider, hospital or birthing centre to notify them of her labour.
Once there, help her settle into an unfamiliar environment by setting up the room with familiar smells (aromatherapy or massage oil she has been using during pregnancy), and music (playlist she has prepared or likes), you may like to bring pictures, photos or affirmations to blue-tac to the walls for visual focal points. Ask to keep lights dimmed or off if not already (a common practice in birth rooms).
Ensure she remains hydrated - offer her sips of water frequently or ice to crunch, and offer her snacks (although often women do not eat a lot in labour).
Support her to change positions, you may have to support her weight if leaning into you, or squatting. Help her in and out of the shower or bath.
Help her concentrate on breathing and positive self-talk.
Massage her, hold her hand, and wipe her face, back of the neck and hair with cool cloths.
Keep other family members updated if this is her wish.
Support her to make decisions, women often don't articulate a lot in labour due to the unique capacity of the human brain to quieten our normally conscious awareness as a result of circulating labour hormones (oxytocin and endorphins). This is an extraordinary gift of evolution, these humans are responsible for making the uterus contract, and act as natural painkillers, but also released into the brain, stopping the mind's constant reflection on the physically intense nature and progress of labour.
If the course of her labour requires medical intervention, your role is to help her understand the options available after discussions with care providers - let her make her own choice, then support her decision.
During the pushing stage, provide lots of encouragement, you may need to assist with holding her in a position.
When the baby is being born, help her bring bub onto her bare chest for skin-to-skin, you will be offered the scissors to cut the cord.
After birth
The first 1-2 hours after birth is a time for mum and bub to bond and initiate breastfeeding if that is her choice and both mum and baby are well. This may be a time for additional support people to allow the two parents some private time together to marvel in what they made and their new family member.
Stay in the moment, don't immediately get on phones and call everyone, enjoy this precious miracle, and soak in all the wonder and possibilities of this new life on earth. Let baby hear your voice, feel your touch and love.
There is a lot of activity still in the room after birth with cleaning up, weighing the baby, preparing for transfer to the ward etc. Packing up personal items and getting out clean clothes and toiletries is very helpful.
Assist the midwife in getting Mum up into the shower.
Now it’s your turn to bond!
Caring for yourself
Being a support person can be exhausting, so make sure you have a plan possibly with another support person to take some time out for a rest break, toilet break or short walk
Pack some snacks and drinks for yourself and wear comfortable clothing. Ensure you pack a spare set of clothes in case you get wet from the shower or cold in the air conditioning.
Pack your own toiletries to freshen up
If you feel negatively impacted in any way by the birthing experience, it is important you speak with one of the care providers to debrief.
remember
She will remember this moment for a lifetime. You have an impact on labour progression and how the mother feels about her experience. Although she is vulnerable, she does not need sympathy, offer encouragement, believe in her and be a pillar of strength when she needs you.
checklist
for the car
Labour Bag
Hospital Bag (Mum and baby)
Car seat
Towel (in case of waters breaking)
Plastic bag or bowl (in case of nausea & vomiting)
TENS machine & Heat pack for comfort (if labouring)
for the labour
Snacks (lollies, fruit, muesli bar, juice poppers)
Camera, Phone and charger
Comfort tools (massage/aromatherapy oil, TENS machine, tennis ball, photos, affirmations)
Lip balm
Socks or slippers
Birth plan
Swim wear for shower/bath if during labour she chooses water immersion
Change of clothes & toiletries
for the hospital stay
Medicare and Private Health Fund card
Car parking pass or credit card
Any prescription medication (bring them in their original package)
Comfortable clothing and PJs
Comfortable underwear or disposable underwear (7-10 pairs) Nursing bras or singletsMaternity pads
Breast pads
Books & magazines
Baby wipes & nappies
Going home outfit and wrap for baby
References & additional websites:
https://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/being-a-birth-support-partner
https://www.cope.org.au/preparing-for-birth/birth/
https://brochures.mater.org.au/brochures/mater-mothers-hospital/information-for-doulas-and-support-people-at-mater
https://www.pregnancyparenting.org.au/birth/universal-needs-women-labour-0
Vera Women’s Wellness’ intention is to create a space that is inclusive, respectful, and affirming for all individuals who are on the path to parenthood. By acknowledging this breadth of identities, we hope to foster an environment where everyone feels welcome, supported, and empowered.
Please know that when we use terms such as "women giving birth" or similar language throughout our content, it is not intended to exclude or invalidate the experiences of individuals who do not identify as women. We understand the importance of language and are continuously working to use more inclusive and diverse terminology.
